Psalm 130 (New International Version, ©2011)

A song of ascents.

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD;
2 Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

3 If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

5 I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

7 Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

In the five or six years since I first went through IVF, the whole scene has changed. Rather than be a process driven by an IVF specialist, it is driven by clinic nurses. The clinic I’m attending has three nurses who job-share. I never seem to get the same one twice and they are never aware of my history. There is no case manager to own my case.

As a result, I feel like it is actually me who is driving the process. This is daunting when I have no idea what should be happening next. Oh sure, I could draw on past experience, but since that nearly killed me it is hardly a decent benchmark. The point of IVF this time is to create life, not end it.

These three job-sharing nurses will only accept phone calls at 8:30am – 9:30am and 3pm – 4pm. It’s school drop off / pick up time. What a coincidence! This annoys me even more because I’m required to discuss IVF, my cycles, my periods, sperm collection etc on my mobile in the middle of a classroom full of FIVE YEAR OLDS!

My alternative is in the car, or wandering down the street with child in tow. I don’t have blue tooth and handsfree on my mobile involves resting the phone on my thigh and hoping it doesn’t slide off as I round the corner.

So it’s cycle day 31 and we’re waiting for my period to arrive. Nurse #3 said we’ll wait until day 36 or 37 before they send me for a blood test (ie. a pregnancy test!).

One thing’s for sure, I must be pre-menstrual ’cause I’m cranky as hell!